dear ifeoluwa · ife adebisi

Series: Sincerely, Ife

Dear Ifeoluwa,

I thought it would be nice for us to catch up. You seem to have a lot on your mind right now and are trying to juggle some things, so I thought I’d try and give you some advice to help you out. I am certain that I am not going to tell you anything you don’t already know, but I think you need to be reminded of these things from time to time, so just hear me out.

Firstly, don’t do anything dumb and try not to quit during the trials you face. I know most of the time you don’t act impulsively, but lately, I’ve noticed that the temptation to pursue your A-level back up plans has been increasing. My friend, I am telling you, no matter how good climbing to the top of the McDonald’s empire through the use of positive discrimination and corruption sounds, it’s not worth it. Also, you are slightly too old to go back to Nigeria and play the role of a poor starving African child in hopes of finding a celebrity to adopt you (you’re not quite as cute as you used to be). You are just going to have to hustle hard. I know how much you enjoy the satisfaction that follows achievement but remember that you can’t achieve something without first overcoming a struggle. I promise you it will be worth it in the end, or at least that is what older and wiser people around us seem to be saying. I’d take their word for it, they rarely lead you astray.

Secondly, I’d advise you to pick your battles wisely and don’t fight blindly. Remember when you were 12 and you told Dami that she gets aggressive when she’s angry and in denial? She responded by adamantly refuting the statement and proceeded to attack you. By repeating the words you spoke, you only further enraged her, and she intensified her attacks whilst she continued to deny your statement. It was very entertaining, and you were in hysterics. You may be asking why I am sharing this particular childhood tale. Partly it’s just to highlight how we have always been the superior sibling. But more importantly, it demonstrates how not to handle situations. Dami made two mistakes in that fight. Firstly, she got into an unnecessary struggle. Ife, life is already hard enough, don’t make it harder by burdening yourself with unnecessary battles. You need to know your limitations and how much you can take on. You should “never let your gifts and talents take you somewhere where your character can’t sustain.” The second mistake Dami made was that she fought from a position of ignorance. Had she taken a moment to step away from us, and maybe looked in a dictionary, she would have seen the errors of her ways. Instead, she just got caught in a never-ending cycle. In whatever you face, you must equip yourself with the best tools and knowledge. Always try to give yourself the upper hand.

The third thing that I want to say is, it’s ok to lean on others. Now, I know what you’re thinking; everyone has their own hassle to deal with. You don’t want to burden others with your problems. However, I’m going to let you in on a little secret; it is your birthright to be a burden. Since birth (actually probably even pre-birth) you have been a burden on many people, most notably your parents. You have eaten their food, spent their money and caused them numerous headaches and stresses. But you have also been a blessing to them. Life is about the give and take, you can’t always be the person who is helping lift the weights of others, sometimes you have to share your loads. Most people in your life are there to help, not hinder your journey. So, from time to time it’s not a bad thing to cash in on that aid.

The final thing I want to say is, you need to be less self-critical. Ife, you are your best friend and your worst enemy. You want what is best, but sometimes you set your personal expectations too high. Try to stop overanalysing small insignificant details, I’m pretty sure you are doing just fine. You should most definitely continue to reflect and grow, but you need to take time to enjoy where you are.

That’s all I have to say for now. I hope you take some of the things I have said on board. No matter what comes your way, I have faith that you will make it through. After all, we are pretty great.

All the best.

Love you,

Ifeoluwa

(p.s. weren’t we just the cutest kid)

also referenced in (2)