gazing upon a woman

I’ve recently started gaining an awareness of something. I am a girl. A woman, in fact. I know, groundbreaking stuff. (You’re probably thinking that next I’m going to tell you that I’m black.) What is new to me isn’t the fact that I am of this gender, but rather that whether I am aware of it or not, it has been and will continue to influence the way I manoeuvre in the world.

Growing up with the identity of ‘tomboy’ and never really being someone who is into ‘girly’ things, historically I have tried to move through life with a neutrality almost. I was only aware of my femininity in fleeting moments. When I had my first crush or read romance novels, I would reluctantly relent to the ‘girly’ reactions I had, but they were kept hidden. For my eyes only. I never really saw myself as been perceived as female by others, but that’s how they must do right? I’m clearly not a man, and though I rarely style myself in an overtly ‘feminine’ manner or submit myself to traditional beliefs of what womanhood should be, when the eyes of others are upon me, they are gazing upon a woman.

What are the deeper implications of this truth?